his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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