you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We have so much sex to catch up on
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
