apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
