Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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