I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
