Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
