O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
