I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
