Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
