I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
