My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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