and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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