speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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