But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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