So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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