It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
