youre lurking in front of me
This is not my ceiling
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
