the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
