Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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