My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
