1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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