And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
