I just gift wrapped bread.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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