I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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