I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
