Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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