Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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