wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am one with the molecules
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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