you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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