Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
