so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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