Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
