I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
