Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
