Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
