The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
