Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
