If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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