hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
