Soap is not a condiment
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
