His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
