It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
