do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
