Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
