Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
