I love black thongs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drunk is not a location!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
