I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
