It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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