apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
