The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
