Duck Duck Cougar?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
