ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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