I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
