Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i believe in u and ur pee
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
