any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
