i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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