i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
