This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
