guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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